September 21, 2007

A Trip to the Shit House

Last year on our now defunct IDM blog, I made a pre-game post for the Michigan and Penn State match-up. A few hours later, I made another post simply titled “Fuck Michigan.” That pretty much speaks for itself. Michigan ruined Penn State’s 2005 season, with quarterback Chad Henne connecting a touchdown pass to Mario Manningham in the final seconds of the game, and thus winning the game. As recently as a year ago, I still dreamed about that game and woke with a ball of pain in my stomach. Out of all the sporting events I’ve watched in this my life, this was easily one of the worst moments, right up there with the Cub’s disastrous play-off run in 2004. With the game at Beaver Stadium in 2006, the game was supposed to be revenge for Penn State. Unfortunately, and there’s no better way to say this, Michigan man-handled us. We walked away bruised, battered, and embarrassed yet again.

But it’s a new year. Penn State is a better team. Michigan is, I hope, a worse team. And we’re going back to The Shit House to play them again tomorrow. It’s a huge rivalry and the game is going to be tough, even if Michigan did start out their season at 0-2. It’s Big Ten ball and anything can happen. If Michigan wins, then they’re back on track and could make a run for the Big Ten title. If Penn State wins, we’ll be the team that everyone else will try to knock us off.

I hope lots of Penn State fans make the trip to Michigan—and of course, don’t buy anything while in Michigan, a long-standing tradition PC’s Green Hornet Society has abided by. Never contribute to Michigan’s economy. My friend Nick made the trip in 2005 and felt his heart turn to cement in a matter of seconds. He’s making the trip again this year. He deserves a win against the Wolverines. We all do.

Do you know what wolverines are? They’re weasels. They prey upon animals that are injured. They’re strong and sneaky—they’ve been known to kill moose. Basically, they sound like real asshole animals to me. So I guess it’s no surprise that Lloyd Carr is the coach of the Michigan Wolverines. This man is the biggest whiner, sourpuss, and asshole in the Big Ten and all of college football—sorry Fupa Weis. The fact that he created two extra seconds in the 2005, which decided the outcome, makes him akin to the devil in my book.

But Carr and his Wolverines can’t escape the Nittany Lions this year. Mountain lions can kill prey seven times bigger than they are. All they need is a single bite at the base of the skull to break their prey’s neck, much like Dan Connor drives offensive players into their graves. Normally, lions like to snack on the larger animals (maybe Trojans?), but they will eat smaller pests, such as wolverines. And I think on Saturday afternoon in Ann Arbor, MI, the Penn State Nittany Lions are going to just pure fucking devour some pansy-ass Michigan Wolverines.

Here’s a little PSU vs. Michigan mix.

Heartbeats – Scala and Kolacny Brothers (The Knife cover)
This somber, piano-driver song reminds me of the heartbreak Penn State has suffered in the past eight years to Michigan. I like to reflect on those past losses—the sadness, strangely, motivates me.

Of Fortuna – Carl Orff
A classical music, sporting event staple. The soaring choir and the rocketing build-up are a prelude to battle.

This Will Be Our Year – The Zombies
Took a long time to come.

In the Air Tonight – Phil Collins
The drums are at the 3:41 mark, for those wondering. Oh Lord.

Welcome to the Jungle – Guns ‘n Roses
Nothing like some GNR to shred some strings and get you fired up.

Penn State Fight Song – The Penn State Blue Band

Oi! Oi! Oi!

20th Century Boy – T. Rex
Loud and full of glam.

Whipping – Pearl Jam
Don’t need a helmet, got a hard, hard head.

Search and Destroy – Iggy & The Stooges
The one who searches and destroys.

Seek and Destroy – Metallica
We’re looking for you to start up a fight.

Mama Said Knock You Out – LL Cool Jay
I still all the lyrics to this after fifteen years or so.
The Nittany Lion – The Penn State Blue Band

Numb (Encore) – Jay Z with Linkin Park
I don’t even like Linkin Park, but this song is great.

Right Now – Van Halen
Eight years losing? It’s time to turn this thing around, right now. This song also makes me want to drink a can of Crystal Pepsi.

Lose Yourself – Eminem
Listening to those opening lines—yeah, I know it’s about a rapper, but I like to think it’s about Anthony Morelli, ready to drop bombs.

B.O.B. (Bombs Over Baghdad) – Outkast
Is this the best rap song ever recorded? It’s definitely in the top three. Don't pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang!

The Final Countdown – Europe
There’s no way I can hear this without thinking of Arrested Development. Look at banner, Michael!

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
The epitome of 80’s cheese and sports cliché, but damned if I care. I love it.

Zombie Nation Remix – Kernkraft
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.

The Nittany Lion’s Roar


thehauntedtooth said...

Fantastic post, JV. Now I'm fired up for Big Ten ball. They say our conference is down this year. We'll see. We're not match for the SEC, yet we took them 2-1 in bowl games last year. Not that my boys were any help in that.
Also, just to be clear: the tradition of not spending money in Michigan, while upheld by me and my bretheren, was started by legendary OSU coach Woody Hayes. The bus was almost out of gas on the way home from a trip to the Shit House. When the driver informed Woody, he said that he would rather walk home than fuel that state's economy. As far as I know, they made it over the state line. Now that's rivalry.

eric said...

A message from the Wolverine.